I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
