I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
