I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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