I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
