Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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