Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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