ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
