The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize