Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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