my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
