Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
