I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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