peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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