Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sext me about skeletons
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
