I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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