Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
