areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
