why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
