i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
