We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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