i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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