Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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