i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
