i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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