guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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