Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
