I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
