i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize