I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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