Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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