yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
