before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
