genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize