i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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