so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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