I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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