Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
