Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
