I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
