Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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