The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
