If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i now understand why vodka
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
