If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
vagina is talking i cant
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
