I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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