i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
