and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
