i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
