Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So here I am, sexting at work.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
