so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
