I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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