that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
