i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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