I wanna bring you to show and tell
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
