You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had to cum in my sink.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
