I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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