they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'd cum for enchiladas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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