That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
