walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We need to get me chipped asap
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
