let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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