Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
