She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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