He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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