what day is it and did you see me today?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it's not cheating when I paid for it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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