I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And then he peed in my hair
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