Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
