Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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