I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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