I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
