honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
