"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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