I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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