yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize