Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
