I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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