He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
A bitchslap is in order.
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